Rather Powerful.
A certain professor was noted for having a certain set of illustration, form which he could not well deviate without running the risk of a blunder. In illustrating the powerful effects of prussic acid, he was wont to inform the class that a drop placed on a dog’s tongue was sufficient to kill him. O one occasion, when lecturing to his class, he said:
" Mr. Smith," addressing a young man whose chance of passing was very slender, "what can you say of prussic acid? Is it powerful or otherwise? "
"It is rather powerful!" said the professor, indignantly. "put a drop on your tongue and it will kill a dog!"
The shout of laughter which followed, and Smith’s confusion, revealed to the professor that his illustration had served a double purpose.
--------------------------*-------------------------------
Twenty-seven Cents" Worth of Marriage.
In Virginia, where the laws fixes the marriage at one dollar, there is a reminiscence of a couple who many years ago called on a parson and requested him to marry them.
"Where is my fee?" said the old functionary.
The parties who were to unite their fortunes did so at once, and found the joint amount to be twenty-seven cents.
"I can’t marry you for that sum," said the irate old gentleman.
"A little bit of service will go a long way suggested the male applicant".
"Oh no," said the parson; " you don’t pay for the size of the pill, but for the good you hope it will do you."
… to weep, but the parson was inexorable, and the couple turned sadly to depart. Just then a happy thought seemed to strike the forlorn maiden, and she turned and cried through her tears:
" Please sir, if you can’t marry us full up won’t you marry us twenty-seven cents' worth We can come for the rest some other time."
This was too much for the parson. He married them "full up," and they went on their way rejoicing.
-------------------------*--------------------------------
The Wrong Robe De Nuit.
Joshus concluded that change of scene might bring a change of luck. So he announced to his wife that he had to go to Milwaukee for a day or so, on business. Mrs. Joshua, consented nobly, and done him up satchel of clothes, charging him to be sure and not forget his night - shirt when he came, as it was one of half a dozen very nicely embroidered, ruffled and fluted one which she had made him in the early days of their affection. They had been married some two months adding she did not want the set spoiled. Joshus promised, swearing that he would rather lose his head that his night-shirt.
He took the train for Milwaukee and stopped at the Plankington House. He met some of his old chums, who got up a game of draw for him - spent a very pleasant evening, went to bed decorously, and came back next morning:
The first thing which Mrs. Joshua did after the first affectionate greeting. Was to take Joshus's satchel and put the clothes away.
"There!" she exclaimed, "I knew it would be just that way?"
"What’s the matter?"
"Why you’ve left your night - shirt after all I said about it"
"By George, that's so But I'll tell you what I'll do, my dear. I'll telegraph to the clerk who is an old friend of mine and he'll send it right down by express. He'll find it under the head of my bed, where the chambermaid will be sure to put it. I'll attend to that at once.
Joshua was as good as his word and the clerk faithful to his old friendship. A day or tow afterward Joshua got the package from the express office, carried it up to the house without opening it, and threw it down before his wife exultingly.
"There I told you they would not go back on me there. There's the night-shirt safe and sound."
"O, I"m so glad," exclaimed Mrs. Joshua, and she was in earnest.
She proceeded to open the bundle joyfully; she did open it and found-a woman's night-gown.
It is charitable to draw the curtain over the scene that followed. Joshua swears that "them cusses were playing an infernal joke on him," but he has not yet succeeded in converting his wife to this theory. It is impossible to foretell what the result will be.
Title: Humorous
Author: Unknown
Location: Unknown
Year: Unknown
Media: Newspaper article, glued to Page 173 to the Ledger of Captain W. B.
Blair
Support this
project and click below
Copyright 2002-6 (c)
This compilation is for individual research or private study only. Any unauthorized reproduction, distribution, public performance, display, or modifications of the materials contained in is website, is subject to copyright law.