THE FAMILY

The oldest institution in the world is the family. It is the parent of all other human associations. States, empires, are its offspring, deriving their material and their character from it. We look in vain for a parallel institution. It creates its own subjects, and trains them not only to be good members of the domestic organization, but good citizens of the State, and what is of striking note, the same process of training which produces the obedient child, also produces the exemplary citizen. The dispositions and principles which are found to be necessary for family happiness and prosperity, are precisely those which, carried out into habitual life in societies, states, and churches,  are the guaranties of prosperity and happiness there. The very same lesson of the mother to the child on her knees, which teaches him to be kind, patient, forbearing, forgiving towards his brothers and sisters, and respectful and obedient to his parents, is the lesson which pre pares him to act well his part on the wide stage of the world.

Happy is that State whose families enjoy the teachings of truth and the living exemplifleations of virtue. Nothing can compensate for the lack of a holy family influence, and no vital damage can befall a nation whose families are daily instilling the principles of a sound morality and a pure religion. There may be dark days in its calendar. Disease may sweep its territory, and evils of various kinds may come; but the substantial prosperity and happiness of such a people follows, as effect follows cause, by the eternal law of the universe.

The family circle is God’s blessed ordinance, and is the sweetest, the happiest, and the most hallowed spot on earth. It is the nursery of affection, of friendship, and of virtue; the place where those ties of natural dependence and help are first formed, which, in their expanded state, unite human society; and according to the manner in which the rights of the family circle are enjoyed, its duties discharged, and its true benefits realized, are the moral character, the stability and the grandeur of the country.

The domestic relations precede, and, in our present existence, are worth more than all other social ties. They give the first throb to the heart, and unseal the deep fountains of its love. Home is the chief school of human virtue. Its responsibilities, joys, sorrows, smiles, tears, hopes, and solicitudes form the chief interest of human life.

There is nothing in the world which is so venerable as the character of parents; nothing so intimate and endearing as the relation of husband and wife; nothing so tender as that of children; nothing so lovely as those of brothers and sisters. The little circle is made one by a singular union of the affections. The only fountain in the wilderness of life where man drinks of water totally unmixed with bitterness is that which gushes for him in the calm and steady recess of domestic life.

The great want in families is justice, reciprocity and forbearance. Family intimacy should never make brother and sister forget to be polite and sympathizing to each other. Those who contract thoughtless and rude habits towards the members of their own family will be rude and thoughtless to the whole world. But let the family be true, tender, and affectionate, and the manners of all uniformly gentle and considerate, and the members of the family thus trained will carry into the world and society the habits of their childhood. They will require in their associates similar qualities; they will not be satisfied without mutual esteem, and the cultivation of the best affections, and their own character will be sustained by that faith in goodness which belongs to a mind exercised in pure and high thoughts.

Habitual politeness is truly a valuable element of family intercourse. A coarse, rude speech is less excusable addressed to a father, mother, brother, or sister, than if used to a stranger, or a simple acquaintance. Some parents think it beneath their dignity to prefix a request with “if you please,” or “have the kindness,” and then wonder why their children can not be mannerly and polite like others. Let such parents remember that precept is of little use without example. We have known the sons of a poor widow, who, on no account would have permitted themselves to sit down to table with their mother, without first arranging their toilet in the best manner their circumstances would permit, and never suffer her, no matter what the temptations, to attend church or weekly prayer meeting alone. This consideration extended to the minutest acts of their daily life, and was a most charming thing to see. The mother, it is hardly necessary to say, had care fully practiced towards her children that respect for their feelings and thoughtfulness for their comfort, which she afterwards received from them.

In the home circle nothing is more productive of mischief than small mysteries, the concealment of little things, and the furtive accomplishment of what might better be done openly. Dr. Johnson, in his forcible language, once said, “Nothing ends more fatally than mysteriousness in trifles; indeed it commonly ends in guilt, for those who begin by concealment of innocent things, will soon have something to hide which they dare not bring to light.”

The faculty for concealment—or as the phrenologists term it, “secretiveness “—is a dangerous gift. Openness and candor are delightful in a household, giving all the members a pleasant participation in each other’s happiness. When we discover that a friend has deceived or only half trusted us, we regard him ever after with suspicion, and it requires a very long time for him to recover the ground he has lost in our confidence and esteem. Especially is this true in the family; for when we perceive that those abroad know more of the motives of a member of the same house than we do, it seems as if wrong were done which can not be forgotten. Husbands and wives insure domestic discomfort by having outdoor confidents. Coolness and even separations have had their rise in some trifling matters of this sort, when the parties might, by wiser course, have remained affectionate and inseparable. Children who prefer other friends over their pa rents are almost sure to be led into error and unhappiness. While under the home roof, the heart should be kept there; the preliminaries to a future home causing the only exception. And even in such a case, he or she is usually best married whose parents were earliest apprised of the engagement.

Even as the sunbeam is composed of millions of minute rays the home life must be constituted of little tendernesses, kindly looks, sweet laughter, gentle words, loving counsels; it must not be like the torch-blaze of natural excitement which is easily quenched, but like the serene, chastened light which burns as safely in the dry east wind as in the stillest atmosphere. Let each bear the other’s burden the while—let each cultivate the mutual confidence which is a gift capable of increase and improvement—and soon it will be found that kindliness will spring up on every side, displacing constitutional unsuitability, want of mutual knowledge, even as we have seen sweet violets and primroses dispelling the gloom of the gray sea-rocks.

There is nothing on earth so beautiful as the household on which Christian love forever smiles, and where religion walks a counselor and a friend. No cloud can darken it, for its twin-stars are centered in the soul. No storms can make it tremble, for it has a heavenly support and a heavenly anchor.

The sweetest type of heaven is home—nay, heaven itself is the home for whose acquisition we are to strive the most strongly. Home, in one form and another, is the great object of life. It stands at the end of every day’s labor, and beckons us to its bosom; and life would be cheerless and meaningless did we not discern across the river that divides it from the life beyond, glimpses of the pleasant mansions prepared for us.

Rules to promote harmony in the family:

1. We may be sure that our will is likely to be crossed during the day, so prepare for it.

2. Everybody in the house has an evil nature as well as ourselves, and, therefore, we are not to expect too much.

3. To learn the different temper of each individual.

4. To look upon each member of the family as one for whose soul we are bound to watch, as those that must give account.

5. When any good happens to any one, to rejoice at it.

6. When inclined to give an angry answer, to lift up the heart in prayer.

7. If, from sickness, pain, or infirmity, we feel irritable, to keep a very strict watch over ourselves.

8. To observe when others are suffering, and drop a word of kind ness or sympathy suited to them.

9. To watch for little opportunities of pleasing, and to put little annoyances out of the way.

10. To take a cheerful view of everything, and to encourage hope.

11. To speak kindly to the servants, and praise them for little things when you can.

12. In all little pleasures which may occur, to put self last.

13. To try for the “soft answer that turns away wrath.”

14. When we have been pained by an unkind word or deed to ask ourselves, “Have I not done the same, and been forgiven?”

15. In conversation, not to exalt ourselves, but to bring others forward.

16. To be very gentle with the younger ones, and treat them with respect.

17. Never to judge one another, but attribute a good motive when you can.